“Out of the depths I call to You, Hashem.”
Psalm 130
I want to share a new painting with you, and the story that came with it.
“From the Depths” · Acrylic on canvas · 80 x 80 cm
About a year ago, during a five-hour meditation ceremony, I had an experience that stayed with me. It was only during our last Soul Journey cohort that I finally felt ready to paint it.
There’s a meditation I love where we rise up through the realms to meet our higher self and let her hold us.
Getting there is a climb, and there’s this beautiful build up. I’ve done it so many times. So I was getting ready for my higher self to scoop me and my inner child up, ready to let go and be completely held...
And then my higher self decided to drop me.
I was so confused. She had never done that to me before.
Why now?
Down, down, down I fell, all the way to the bottom of the ocean.
Now here’s the thing.
The ocean scares me.
I love the water, I’m not afraid to go in, but as I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed more fear around it. At night I will not go where I can’t stand. I won’t even dip my head under. I don’t like it when I can’t see the bottom.
It’s the unknown.
So there I was, at the bottom of the place I fear most, and my higher self said to me,
“You’re going to stay there in the dark depths and you’re going to find something. Keep swimming until you find that thing, whatever it is.”
And somehow, I felt okay with that.
I wandered along the ocean floor for a while... and then I found a gem.
The gem represents desire. We find the gem, we hold it up to God, and we say, THIS IS WHAT I WANT.
We let it become a magnet, a prayer, a manifestation.
Unapologetically.
Maybe we’ll get it, maybe we won’t, but we still lift it up and say, Hashem, this is my desire. This is what I pray for.
That’s where it all starts, isn’t it?
Knowing what we actually want in this world.
If you feel fear, then you’re in a good place.
It means you’re stepping out of what’s comfortable and going into the shadows where the gem is hiding.
There is ALWAYS a gem there.
In every challenge there’s something waiting for us, a lesson that brings us deeper into ourselves and closer to our purpose in this lifetime.
These are questions I ask myself, and now I want to ask them to you...
Where in your life are you afraid to show up, to go where you feel like you can’t stand?
If you found the gem down there in your own shadows and held it up to the light, what would you see?
What would you ask for?
And even further, would you give yourself permission to desire it?
I’ll be honest with you, I am constantly stepping into my fears.
Portraits do not come easy for me; I’m an abstract and nature painter at heart, so painting this figure in front of my students was its own dive into the deep. Even sharing a story like this one is scary.
And every single time I open the doors to a new cohort, the fear comes up again.
What if I fail? What if I get rejected!?
I’ve learned not to be afraid of being afraid.
This year I’m expanding into a year-long Mastery program starting in January (open only to Soul Journey alumni), and that deeper path scares me even more!
But every expansion comes with fear, because our vessels are growing to hold more light.
Maybe for you, that fear lives around creating: feeling stuck in front of the blank page, wondering if you even have it in you.
Or maybe painting doesn’t scare you at all, but investing in yourself this way does, or going deeper into your artistry and skill.
Or maybe it’s the fear of what’s waiting on the other side, if you actually let yourself go into your shadows and do the inner work.
When we stop seeing that stuck place as a wall and start seeing it as a doorway... that’s where everything opens up.
This is your invitation to travel into your deep end... and yeah, we’re going deep.
That’s all I know how to do. I’m not a surface kind of woman.
I’m the one who travels into the depths and brings light into the shadows, and I want to take you on that journey.
Soul Journey is seven weeks of going into the unknown together through painting.
We don’t know what’s under there when we begin.
We pick up the brush anyway, we let ourselves be scared and vulnerable, and we’re often surprised by what happens when we surrender to the process and become co-creators with divine will.
Once you discover your gem, it becomes a flashlight you carry with you, shining light into other areas of your life.
And layer by layer, the paintings we make together become the witness of your experience.
We’re learning real technique and the fundamentals of painting the whole way down, so you come out with more skill and show up in the world with less fear.
That’s the Soul Journey way.
Are you ready to travel deeper into yourself with me as your guide?
I’ll hold you every step of the way. And so will your higher self... even when she drops you, she’s always there for you and your growth.
Our next cohort begins Monday, November 2.
We meet live on Zoom every Monday for 7 weeks, 1:00 to 3:30 PM EST / 8:00 to 10:30 PM Israel time.
If financial reasons are the only thing holding you back, talk to me. I have another partial scholarship available and a payment plan option too, if that makes the leap feel more possible.
My prayer for you is that you find the courage to go where you can’t stand... and when you reach the bottom, that you find your gem waiting there, glowing, ready for you to lift it up to the light.
With love from the depths,
Avigail (aka Abby)
P.S. If something here stirred a question about Soul Journey, or you want to tell me what your gem is, send me a message on WhatsApp. I’d love to hear it.
P.P.S. The original painting, From the Depths, is available. If she’s calling to you, I’d love to tell you more about her.
